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It was a couple of months back. I was lying on
the couch at home when this sudden urge to take a stroll outside hit me. I glanced
up my pink wall clock and saw that it was 6:30 pm. A slight glimmer of dusk was
seen outside my window. I debated whether I should go on the stroll or not.
Now or Never, I thought,
slipped into a pair of leggings and sneakers and darted out the house with a
pullover and cellphone with the earphones plugged in.
I crossed a small wooden
bridge alongside the Minister’s enclave in Motithang and walked up towards
Sangaygang.
At the base of Sangaygang,
children were playing at the outdoor gym. Some were cycling uphill, huffing and puffing. Young couples were walking their dogs and older men and women were
strolling around. I bumped into a college mate on his evening run.
With my
earphones still plugged in, I climbed the hill. Normally I walk up straight on
the road. But that evening, I thought I will challenge myself to hike up.
The time
on my wristwatch showed 6:45 pm. I reassured myself that I’d be able to reach
the hilltop before dusk. It took me exactly an hour to reach the hilltop. Darkness
engulfed me. I switched on my cellphone’s torch and started walking downhill.
No one was seen
there. All of them had returned home.
I quickened my pace and took the shortest route as much as possible. As I was nearing the base, three men emerged all of a
sudden from a nearby bush. They kept walking behind me.
Almost instantly, my
heart swelled and started thumping louder. I could feel it on my throat. I took
off my earphones and started jogging, pretending that I’m cool about it. I kept
my thumb on the speed dial on the cellphone ready to call and scream.
What was I
worried about?
These men did
not do anything to me.
They must have gone somewhere and probably must be on
their way home. But. But my female natural instinct? When alone at night is to
be fearful. To feel anxious, weak, fearful, vulnerable and alert.
Women feel
scared and vulnerable when alone at night. If a guy walks behind
us, we feel being followed, vulnerable even if he doesn’t say or do anything particularly
threatening. If a guy try to smile to make us feel comfortable, it may come off
as creepy. I’m not sure what males could do to make us feel less scared in
situations like that.
It’s such a sad
world that we live in. As a girl, I have been taught to be vulnerable, not to
trust strangers and not to walk home alone at night. And we pass on the same advice to our daughters, niece, girlfriends, mothers.
I’m curious about
how men feel? When you see a woman alone at night. Whether you make a woman
worried or nervous. Whether you’re afraid that you’re making the other one
afraid. This makes the men seem not trustworthy.
Then again, there really is
nothing for them to do.
I’d love to hear the perspectives from men.
